All summer long I felt depleted for some unknown reason. It may have been the due to the unusually cool, yet uncomfortable muggy weather. It may have been due to the fact that all that weather made my garden very unproductive and sent my farmgirl heart into a downward spiral when I realized I wouldn’t be making any fresh salsa this year. It could have been the fact that I focused so much on my children and family that their was little left more me. You know how it goes…one minute they need you for everything the next they don’t want you near them. I love my family dearly but as I sat staring out the window and glancing at my dusty sewing machine a couple weeks back I knew I was due for a change. So no matter what the cause of my summer blahs had been I declared it to be officially over! So over the last several weeks I have been making some swift and decisive changes.
First, Donovan had been asking to go to public school for several months… so one unsuspecting day I decided I would let him go. That very same day I went to the districts main office and enrolled him. It wasn’t easy since he had been homeschooled all his life up until this year. I think he was just as amazed that I went through with it. After getting his class schedule redone and meeting some new friends he is doing great. Thriving actually and even getting all A’s and B’s…all except that D in spanish.
Second, I decided that in order to continue growing and nurturing my farmgirl spirit I was going to need to make a little more money than what my pittily little part time job was giving me. So I gently told my husband that I had every intention of going out and getting a new job. A full time one! Not that he is not a great provider for us. He is amazing and all our bills are paid and we don’t use credit cards. Cash and carry only here. However, I felt I needed one that would allow me to pad my bank account so that we can do a little traveling. Next year this farmgirl can make it to MaryJane’s Farm Fair over the 4th of July without worrying about if the extra funds would be there or not. Since we don’t use and rely on credit cards in our household this trip was not possible to take this year. Basically though my “wants” are starting to outgrow my “needs”. Is it selfish of me though at 35 to decide to myself first? Ok honestly I would never put myself first above my children so third. It is not like everyone won’t benefit from having the extra cash on hand. I have to admit though going out and getting a full time job was a bit more emotional than I thought it would be. I had so many emotions once I accepted the position and still do a little. I haven’t worked full time in so long(over 17 years to be exact) that I am still uncertain of how I will juggle it all. I suppose I will figure it out as I go.
I feel more changes are on there way but they will be good. I can see me outside finishing the interior of the chicken coop, and rerocking the fire pit so we can roast marshmallows over it as the evening temps start to drop. I can see several piles of fabric that have been calling my name. I am feeling energized and have a renewed sense of self worth. I know that as a wife and mother my contributions to this family have been abounding and abundant but they will continue to flourish even when I am not here 24/7.